my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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