You really coming over, don't trick.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
