I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
