Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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