When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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