She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
