I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
