Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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