I don't usually arrange sex via text message
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Randomize
