There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
