he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
