I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
