Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
