I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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