so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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