TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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