you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
