you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
