You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
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