R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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