Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
