well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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