My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
