if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
