i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
