So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
