so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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