she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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