you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
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The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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