Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
