someone get that fucking seahorse.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
