Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize