my sisters under your porch take her home
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
