Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
