Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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