she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize