People in love make me want to vomit
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
