i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
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Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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