no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
