Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
