so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
