You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
