you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
