you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
