Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
