By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
And then he peed in my hair
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