I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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