You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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