yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
