you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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