Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
