i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
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