I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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