now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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