i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
