I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
