Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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