you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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