So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
