yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
