I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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